Keeping D.C. out of the red, in the pink

As I sit here nibbling on my Starbucks panini sandwich, Washington DC's plan to host the opening stages of the 2012 Giro d'Italia is taking shape. To host one of cycling's Grand Tours is to bring tourism and all of its associated fame, fanny packs, and revenue to a city. But surely there are challenges in going intercontinental with one of cycling's biggest races and all of its associated athletes, equipment, and fluffers. The major hurdles surrounding the first non-European stage of a Ground Tour would include a six-hour time difference for the athletes as they fly to Italy, funding for DC's preparations, and generating interest in a sport that doesn't register on most Americans' radars. As for the transport issue, I say HTFU. All the riders will be exposed to the same challenges of jet lag and stale mini pretzels, so it seems equitable. And with the US's unmatched strength in both reality-defying finance and creating overnight celebrities, our country should have no trouble turning the Giro d'America into one hot panino.

First, American corporate juggernauts have a long, proud history of dominating international sporting events. The Giro's promoters will simply have to decide who to team up with. Let me make a few suggestions: an obvious financier of this epic display of manliness would be a male enhancement drug, one of whose name is only one letter off from a middle-of-the-line Shimano groupset and sounds vaguely Italian. However catchy the Viagra Giro d'Italia may sound though, Pfizer's coffers are surely sealed as they brace for another attempt at a healthcare bill. No go. Let's switch our focus to the undeniable fact that -Amurica- does Italian bigger and better than Italy does. The Giro and the District will be seeing green when they announce the 2012... Once the corporate sponsor is secured, DC will just need to stir up some good old American hype. It's easy to recruit fans to an unpopular athletic event with reality TV on our side. Personally, I think Mark Cavendish would make a fetching Bachelor, and perhaps Cadel Evans' next fist fight should be sorted out publicly on the Dr. Phil Show. Most critically though, I urge all Texans to write in Lance Armstrong for governor this fall. DC 2012: Yes we can, cycling fans.

Don't Fred on Me, Philadelphia

When they feel that the government has failed them, some Pennsylvanians cling to guns and religion. When Philly cyclists are snubbed by snow storms, public services, and inconsiderate drivers, we cling to studded tires and...um...bike-mounted plows? Well maybe we should. It's been almost two weeks since the last major snow storm, and the bike lanes are still defiled:


Half the lane has been cleared on Spruce St. The cleared portion of the bike lane symbol looks more like a unicycle than its two-wheeled cousin. Nice of the city to think of its unicycle-commuting contingent, but come on Philly, the bicycle is still a more popular device on snowy days.


On Spring Garden, drivers have taken matters into their own hands. On this block they managed to take up both the parking lane and the bike lane by parking diagonally. Good effort, guys.

Now I've never been big on reading, but I can tell from the picture that the little Ikea man here is not riding a car...

...but the Fredworthy award for bike lane defilement goes to this awesome pile of snow at 20th and Spring Garden. Nice job, jerks.

I've always had a lot of faith in the brotherly love of Philadelphians, but I think it's clear that in snow storms, every cyclist is on their own. I'm not suggesting we all mail teabags to Mayor Nutter, but maybe we should equip our spandex-clad militia with some of these.