Green Mountain Stage Race

Veronique Fortin, 1, Sue Palmer-Komar, 2, Me, 3

OK, you might ask what's so horrible about a podium ending.  There were some scary things, like destructive flooding and a field sprint crash, but in this case I'm referring to my horrific screams while racing.  I first attributed this to lost fitness after an injury, but the screaming persists.

Stage 1/ITT: The Jamie Lee Curtis Sob
The time trial was a 5.7-mile course with a few miles of climbing, then a descent, then a steep little rise at the end.  I set my goal at a sub-16-minute effort.  I went really hard at the beginning, constantly passing my 30-second woman, only to be re-passed by her.  I let out a few whimpers as it began to hurt.  I'm pretty sure my 30-second woman heard it, and maybe it was the awkward moaning that convinced her to let me get away, but I was on my own by the time the course started to descend.  By the time I hit the final dip, I sounded like I was crying, like Jamie Lee Curtis being chased up the stairs in Halloween.  The sobbing paid off; I beat my time goal and took 3rd place in the stage.


Stage 2/Circuit Race: The Psycho Shower Scream

 The circuit race was horrific indeed, with a screaming descent down the flood-damaged pavement of Route 17, and a very squirrely field sprint.  There was a lot of deliberate elbowing as we jockeyed for the false flat finish.  At one point I took a pretty aggressive elbow to the butt and lost balance.  Certain that I would crash and die, I let out a blood-curdling scream.  Somehow I remained upright with everyone else, and I settled in for the sprint.  A few minutes later, there was another noise, and several riders went down.  At this point I was terrified and didn't have the wherewithal to sprint, let alone avoid danger, so I found a more trustworthy wheel than my own and followed suit.  Lindsay took a really aggressive line through the mess, securing an awesome 2nd place.  Grateful to be alive, I salvaged 10th and kept my GC standing.

Stage 3/App Gap: The Hyperventilating Zombie Chase
Stage 3 was rerouted due to flooding, exchanging last year's climb of Middlebury Gap for Duxbury Hill.  The field stayed together until the final climb, with the exception of Anna's badass solo break, which stuck from beginning to end.  Without much at stake in the GC, the pack stayed together til the base of App Gap.  1st and 2nd place tore up the climb, and I stayed on their wheels until the others were out of sight.  After yesterday's sprint debacle, I didn't have enough lead on 4th and 5th to risk ascending in the pack.  With about 6 switchbacks to go, I lost the wheel of 2nd place and continued to hyperventilate up the mountain alone.  Looking behind me, some others came into sight, including 4th place.  We were all moving so slowly, it was like one of those cheesy zombie movies when everyone is huffing and puffing, and it makes no sense that they can't outrun the frustratingly slow zombies.  I looked down at my speed: 4.8mph.  I coughed and wheezed my way to finish line safety, securing 4th in the stage and adding to the GC cushion.

Stage 4/Crit: Canceled Race and Lunch Assassination
As soon as we arrived in Burlington, the skies opened up and the streets began to flood.  With the race now canceled, the only horror victim of the day would be our lunch as we inhaled it.  (Thanks to Jon's friend Kianna for taking in some hungry and soaked racers!)  In spite of the cancellation, I finished with 3rd place in the GC, and enough frustration to go really hard in next year's crit.