As I sit here nibbling on my Starbucks panini sandwich, Washington DC's plan to host the opening stages of the 2012 Giro d'Italia is taking shape. To host one of cycling's Grand Tours is to bring tourism and all of its associated fame, fanny packs, and revenue to a city. But surely there are challenges in going intercontinental with one of cycling's biggest races and all of its associated athletes, equipment, and fluffers. The major hurdles surrounding the first non-European stage of a Ground Tour would include a six-hour time difference for the athletes as they fly to Italy, funding for DC's preparations, and generating interest in a sport that doesn't register on most Americans' radars. As for the transport issue, I say HTFU. All the riders will be exposed to the same challenges of jet lag and stale mini pretzels, so it seems equitable. And with the US's unmatched strength in both reality-defying finance and creating overnight celebrities, our country should have no trouble turning the Giro d'America into one hot panino.
First, American corporate juggernauts have a long, proud history of dominating international sporting events. The Giro's promoters will simply have to decide who to team up with. Let me make a few suggestions: an obvious financier of this epic display of manliness would be a male enhancement drug, one of whose name is only one letter off from a middle-of-the-line Shimano groupset and sounds vaguely Italian. However catchy the Viagra Giro d'Italia may sound though, Pfizer's coffers are surely sealed as they brace for another attempt at a healthcare bill. No go. Let's switch our focus to the undeniable fact that -Amurica- does Italian bigger and better than Italy does. The Giro and the District will be seeing green when they announce the 2012...
Once the corporate sponsor is secured, DC will just need to stir up some good old American hype. It's easy to recruit fans to an unpopular athletic event with reality TV on our side. Personally, I think Mark Cavendish would make a fetching Bachelor, and perhaps Cadel Evans' next fist fight should be sorted out publicly on the Dr. Phil Show. Most critically though, I urge all Texans to write in Lance Armstrong for governor this fall. DC 2012: Yes we can, cycling fans.
