Monday, July 30, 2012

This win brought to you by Vaseline and denial

There's a fine line between satisfaction and complacency, optimism and denial, and when you're dealing with an ongoing deficiency of -reasons to be pissed off- you might not be able to distinguish one from the other. Case in point: I "won" the Nockamixon women’s 1/2 time trial. A more critical person might point out that there were only 3 people in my category, and that I was only the second fastest woman of the day, but at least the following goals were accomplished:

1. Beat my previous time
2. Practice TTing for upcoming stage races, and identify areas in need of work
3. Swim in Lake Nockamixon without getting caught by a park ranger

I pretty much smoked that list, beating the previous attempt on this course by 42 seconds.  It was great practice, and I now have plenty of things to work on, such as remembering to turn around at the cone instead of spacing out until the race marshals yell at me, and preemptively shoving an entire tube of Vaseline up my nose for the inevitable nosebleed when I get down in the aerobars (luckily no photos of this were taken).  So I’m in denial looking on the bright side and calling the day a success.  Now to do some left turn repeats for the next out-and-back time trial.

It turns out that skinsuits make very fast swimsuits

Sunday, July 22, 2012

This podium brought to you by self-talk and my 28-cog


We recently established that I might be in need of a mental intervention, whether it be positive thinking techniques or just getting really pissed off.  And although many friends have generously stepped up to the plate and offered to fight me, I still arrived at Lost River Classic feeling frustratingly happy.

The big descent was wet and sketchy, so the group took it carefully.  It seemed dangerous and/or unethical to attack there, so I waited til we got to the bottom and took off on the flat with 4 women in tow.  The pace on the next climb was painful, and I told myself I would get dropped from the break.  Oh wait Wander, Murray said you can't think that way anymore.   I shifted into my 28 and thought about how much I love climbing. 

On the last lap, the moto told us we had 2 minutes on the field, but this seemingly great news put an end to our breakaway's camaraderie.  Responding to a minute-long attack reminded me of how scared I am of anaerobic intervals.  Stop it Wander.  I thought about a recent workout and tried to recall how it felt: Morning coffee. Ipod. The top of "Mount" Presidential coming into view (yes I do intervals on that little jawn).  Having attained enlightenment with about 1k to go, it then just came down to my legs.  Ainhoa destroyed the final kicker hill, winning by at least a bike length.  I've got a lot more work to do on the mental stuff (not to mention those anaerobic intervals), but second place and the first podium of the year is a step in the right direction.  Now if you'll excuse me I have to go light some scented candles and meditate...

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Iron Hill: The Race of Truth


Most people describe time trialing as the "race of truth," since it's just you vs. the clock.  But this year it hasn't really come down to me vs. any clocks, but rather me vs. dropped chains, me vs. dislocated ribs, and after Parkesburg's lap counter blooper, apparently me vs. regularly descending integers. 

There were no excuses at Iron Hill.  The team had great race support, I didn't make any "stupid mistakes," and yet somehow everything I managed to do was stupid.  I got scared before the race even started; every time we'd move closer to the starting line I'd give up a wheel or two in fear of crashing at the whopping um...3 miles an hour we were doing.  Jenny kept her cool at the front.

A crash at the beginning scared me and I thought about quitting.  Apparently even the people involved were less scared, since they all got back in on the free lap.  I slowly slipped to the back (even though that's not necessarily safer) and hoped to compensate for it later.  This is a technique that used to work for me, but when it was time to move up I just yelled at the rider in front of me to hold her line (she was not actually in the way at all, but when you're that scared, everyone seems to be in the way), then threw up in my mouth and sat up.  Jenny sprinted for an awesome 11th place, and I yo-yoed at the back for 26th. 

Obviously training can improve some physiological issues, but the mental ones might be tricky.  I've been given instructions for meditation and self-talk.  A less conventional suggestion came from my friend Rick, who suggested I'm just not angry enough this year.  He used to yell "Hey Wander, unicorns aren't real," at the start of races, just to piss me off.  I usually did well.  Just to cover all bases, I'll take both approaches here: let the meditation begin, and BTW, if anyone would like to stage a fight in the parking lot before a race, I'm in.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Chesco Road Race

Yeah, OK this didn't go as planned...
This 4th of July we saluted the land of the free at the PA state road race.  The new course had a little climb coming into the finish but wasn't as selective as the old one.  I still managed to burn all my matches though...

Here's where match number 1 went: I attacked on one of the little kicker hills, got a small gap, and another rider caught on.  It looked promising, and we were about to bolt up another hill when I pulled a typical Wander and dropped my chain.  This is what happens when you try to do your own mechanical work, but hey, this is Amurica, and we're self-sufficient!  Speaking of self-sufficiency, a very eager moto driver came to help and kept getting in the way.  So I'm over here screaming at duder to let me fix it, and meanwhile he's trying to give me a push before I'm even on the bike.  I flailed around like an octopus while the pack slowly disappeared.  I thanked him for his very thorough servicing, then had to seriously put the hurt on to catch the group.  Goodbye match number 2. 

I caught on and recovered before we rolled into the feed zone at the start of the last lap.  Even though the race was short (the women's 123 seems to get shorter every year), it was hot.  Utterly terrified of feed zones, I slowed down to almost a stop and daintily took the bottle from soigneur Colby.  Unfortunately the deciding attack was made in the feed zone.  It was painful to catch the front group.  Match number 3. 

Four strong riders got a gap on the climb into the finish, and I rolled over the line like a slug, taking 5th place.  Not exactly mission accomplished, but hey, I did well, and all this bike racing is definitely helping me win the War on Insulin. 


Thursday, July 5, 2012

Parkesburg Crit: Free Ponies to a Good Home

A quick preride got me very excited about the course's climbing.  After yesterday's frustrating race, I was ready to put the hurt on myself and/or other people, whichever came first.  The hurt came on quickly, as Team Pure Energy attacked from the gun.  The pace started to slow on the second lap so I attacked on the climb to keep the hurt coming.  This seemed like a great plan until Pure Energy's next rider attacked right when I was recovering.  Oh.  We never caught her, and we settled in to battle it out for second.  I felt good after recovering for a few laps.  Then with one to go, I did that thing that everyone does once: I thought it was the last lap and I had won the field sprint. Some riders came by a few seconds later, and I chuckled at how hard they were going on their recovery lap.  I rolled triumphantly all the way around the course before realizing I had screwed up.  Oh.  

So here's the thing: I'm really pissed at myself.  The kind of pissed that might be justifiable for mistakes that really matter, like health safety and welfare stuff.  And here I am pissed over a bike race.  There are people who don't have bikes to race, let alone cars to get to the race.  I fumed about it all the way home in my fancy car (fancy as in, it exists) and then threw all my ponies in the trash.  I will probably take them out in the morning when I realize there are people who don't have ponies to throw in the trash, but they're spending the night there dammit!  Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go pout like a big baby.

In related news, if anyone knows of a good home for a whole lot of toy equines including but not limited to ponies, horses, and unicorns, please contact me ASAP. 

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Dear Bicycle,

It’s been 21 days, 14 hours, and 17 minutes since I Lorena Bobbitted your top tube on a pothole.  Our time apart has been painful, and I hope you'll forgive me for riding another bike at Philly.  Believe me when I say I didn’t enjoy it; I was so torn up I could barely finish.  The other bike is actually in pieces over the whole thing, so I assure you it’s just you and me now.  Although the past few weeks have been a blur of painkillers, passing out on the couch, and smashing you like Pete Townshend wailing on yet another expendable Gibson, I promise that my wild days are over.  I’m so glad to have you back.

Let’s start over. 

The Green Weenie's top tube looks even better than before!  Thank you Aaron Ritz for saving this relationship...

Sunday, June 3, 2012

TD Bank Liberty Classic 2012

The TT-turned-road bike in action.  Thanks Chat

























Thursday, crashed.
Precious ride and shitty phone smashed.
Brand new bike too steep to allow.
Sheena is a road bike now.

Ibuprofen today.
How much does this TT rig weigh?
Flimsy bottle lost its grip but nother rider shared a sip.
Farm Team rules.

Sent from my brand new, super fancy smart phone which I got while Breakaway Bikes was doing the fastest and most amazing job ever turning my TT ride into a road bike.  Speaking of smart phones, this video was taken from Mama Wander's fancy device.

Our top finisher Kate Lysakowski in the front group

Rubbing (scabby) elbows with world champ Giorgia Bronzini at the press conference

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Grand Prix Cycliste de Gatineau

photos from Ottawa Sun
After Saturday's time trial and a rest day of carb consumption in Ottawa's Little Italy district, we lined up for Monday's 83-mile/13-lap road race.  With the finish being just under 3:30, women's racing is definitely getting faster.  But it's also getting suspiciously cutesy.  Don't be fooled by all the adorable gear though; these riders will rip your legs off. 

Team Specialized-Lululemon set a comfortable pace, which allowed the group to stay really tight.  My teammates Suzie and Laura were moving around the pack like ninjas, but I was terrified as usual.  Sometimes when I get really scared, I try to think about something else, so my mind started to wander: 

When did everyone get these cute sportswear sponsors, and does it make me a lesser athlete if my post-race lounge pants aren't as adorable and butt-flattering as theirs?  (OK, there are more significant factors making me a lesser athlete, but at that point I was terrified and couldn't focus.)  Is the smiling cartoon kitten on that lady's kit supposed to fool me into thinking she won't crush me in a sprint?

The pack was super tight on the flat sections
So there I was getting all distracted, when team director Chris screamed at me to take a bottle.  Oh.  I was running out of drinks but hoping to finish the race without braving the feed zone again.  Suddenly I was freezing cold, even though it was like a zillion degrees Celsius.  Bizarre.  Then my leg locked up all weird for a second.  It went away and I caught back on.  This kept happening and I kept ignoring it til the last lap on a technical descent.  Scared of being paralyzed on a screaming downhill, I let the pack go.  Damn.  I rolled in 3 minutes after Ina Teutenberg's awesome sprint win, bagging 64th place and a bottle of water from Chris.  I chugged it and felt fine again.  Damn.

Lessons Learned:
1. Don't get distracted by Team Precious Moments-Bubble Yum's matching carbon fiber hair scrunchies.  Focus on yourself and how you're feeling.
2. The feed zone may be scary, but the things that happen when you skip it could be even scarier.
3. I do not like poutine.  But I gave it a fair try.  Or two.  Or five.
4. Even though I was scared out of my gourd, racing with world-class athletes was a really cool experience.
5. If anyone would like to ditch the whole cutesy thing and start Team Carhartt-Slim Jim, I'd be your biggest fan.

Team PK Express-Biemme at the pre-race presentation



Saturday, May 19, 2012

Grand Prix Cycliste de Gatineau, Chrono-Gatineau

I missed the group photos while Stefan and Pierre were jimmying the keys out of my car...oops
I don't know what any of that means, but who cares, everything sounds fancy when it's in French.  For example, "vingt-six."  My time trial result may not have been the fastest, but it definitely sounds fancy that way.  So for the 11.4-mile  wait no, 18.4 kilometer (metric is fancier) time trial, we went off in one-minute intervals.  ONE-MINUTE INTERVALS!  I've been in events with 30-second intervals, and I accidentally sent off riders in 10-second intervals at an event once (this is why I should never be a race official), but one-minute intervals is legit, and it's also way harder to pass the rider ahead of you.  But I did.  Because I'm fancy.  Oh and BTW, I scraped a shoe for the first time while overcooking a corner.  Cause I'm a badass and/or a bad cornerer.

Hello road, don't let my shoe hit you in the asphalt...

Further contributing to today's fanciness was the amazing race support.  P-K Express team director Chris got my TT bike all blinged out while I was getting ready.  Then during the race, he followed me in the team car (which is really just his own van, but whatver)!  Friggin fancy.  And I can't think of a more motivating reason to haul ass than being followed by an unmarked white van.  I later got to ride in said van and watch my teammate Suzie crush the hills. 

Anyway, I plan to spend tomorrow's rest day celebrating my birthday with some snails and poutine.  But right now it's time to hit the piscine with some teammates.

Full ITT results here.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Tour of the Dragons 2012

While Battenkill was all about learning new racing vocabulary, Tour of the Dragons was more of a visual experience:

consenting adults I suppose...
1. The Rainbow Coalition
We experimented with how many riders we could fit into a small Vermont motel room.  Representing 3 teams, 3 cities, and 4 religions (and yes, uncomfortable religious discussions were had) we spent most of our recovery time giggling,  tire- and cassette-changing, and trying to combine the acts of napping and eatingAll this experimental-polychromatic-kumbaya was dropped when we were racing though, and we focused on our own team pursuits.

2. The Pink Train Pink Nightmare!
Stage 1/Time Trial: Having finally gotten a bike tune-up and a new chain, I had no excuses but to do my best, landing 9th place.  Our teammate Beth laid down an incredible 28:52, beating last year’s winning time and taking 2nd place.

Stage 2/Crit: I spent the first half of the crit scared out of my gourd and cowering at the back.  Finally something clicked for me, and I moved up to join the "Pink Train" as we were deemed by the announcer.  We worked hard at the front, and Jenny took 3rd in the sprint finish, securing the second Farm Team podium of the weekend. 

Stage 3/Road Race: The first climb split the group up, and the yellow jersey soloed away.  4 QOM climbs later, we settled in for the sprint that would decide second and third place.  I moved to the front to help our GC rider, but my nerves got the best of me and I was squished to the back.  The rest of the Pink Train was unaffected by such squishing, and Beth secured 3rd place in the road race, and 3rd in the final GC. 

Weekend Metrics:
Miles: 94
Feet climbed: 4500
Farm Team podium appearances (Beth and Jenny): 4
Number of times I was mistaken for a junior and told my gearing was illegal: 1
Number of times Ky was fed ice cream by a stranger: 1
Servings of ice cream I fed myself: 7
My own GC place: No idea
Number of times I thought about quitting racing: 0

Sunday, April 15, 2012

"Battenkizzle" and other spring classics terminology

Me, Audrey, Beth, and Kate after the race





















The women's pro/1/2 race at Tour of the Battenkill was all about new vocabulary.  "Breakaway," and "attrition" are terms that, for better or for worse, don't always come into play in women's races.  "Dirt" is also rare for us roadies, so rare in fact that I started counting down the days til I get a mountain bike...

Anyway, back to the attrition-fest,  I mean race: after Jeff Cup's epic chain-dropping fail, I was careful to adjust my shifting when putting on the race wheels.  The first 10 miles were super-smooth: the pavement, the peloton, even my shifting.  It was pandemonium in my head though; the tightness of the pack and the occasional elbow were enough to keep me cowering at the back.  There was an attack on the first climb, and I panicked and stomped on the pedals while shifting.  Crap.  The chain came all the way off, but this time the race support moto came to help.  They fixed it and gave me a push as I started up the climb alone.  I picked up some dropped riders along the way, and 6 miles later we caught the main pack.  I sat in for a few miles and tried to catch my breath.

Photo by Barry Koblenz/BaseTwelvePhoto
 I was still recovering when another move was made, and I quickly found myself in the chase group.  With some talented sprinters in the chase, and some of my own teammates up the road, my job was now to keep our chase group from catching the pack.  Some people yelled at me to pull, but I clung to the back like a dingleberry.  In spite of my non-cooperation, we caught the pack around mile 50, this time with a few strong riders out of sight.  We settled in for the field sprint, and I got spooked as usual by the tight pack.  Farm Team took 16, 17, 18, 24, 39, and 47.  The amazing climber Veronique Fortin won in a breakaway of 5 riders.  On the way home, Thea counted down the days til the next dirt-free, sprinterly crit (I better brush up on pack handling ASAP).   

Important Battenkizzle take-away:
  • I'm excited to be on this team, and finally excited about racing too.
  • I need to get my bike fixed.
  • Apparently, I like dirt.  A lot.
  • When can we do this again?!
I later washed my face in a gas station bathroom...

Monday, April 2, 2012

Jeff Cup 2012: I'm kind of a big deal.


I don't fix dropped chains with my face, but I always end up looking that way...
There are two ways to finish a race alone: one is glorious, and the other is well...what you make of it.  Speaking of twos, coming into Jefferson Cup, I had identified two acceptable outcomes to keep me on the racing/training bandwagon: 1. to have a good enough finish that I'd be excited to keep racing, or 2. to have a frustrating enough finish that I'd be excited to keep racing.  Let's just say I finished alone, and I achieved one of those acceptable outcomes...

That's right ladies, I took my first DFL, and it was glorious.  I had my own moto, my own pace car (OK it was probably just some random family on their way to return curtains at Pottery Barn, since I was outside of the rolling enclosure), and my own photographers (I think the people snapping up shots thought I was off the front of the next race, but whatever). 

Here's how this monumental finish occurred: we started really slow, and I got all spooked every time the pack would bunch up.  I thought about quitting bike racing, this time even cooking up some specific plans on what I might do for exercise instead.  The pace picked up in the last 20 miles, and I was briefly excited about racing.  Then with 2k to go, without even shifting, I somehow dropped my chain and couldn't pedal it back on.  I hopped off and fixed it, then executed the most glorious solo finish ever, hauling ass as if I might catch the pack.  I briefly considered stopping short of the finish line to avoid the DFL in favor of a DNF, but 2012 is not about vanity.  It's about being the Lanterne Rouge and liking it, so I sprinted through the finish line like the big deal that I am.  Seriously though, the ABRT women ripped everyone's legs off and made it a great race.  Really amazing work.  Now to get this chain grease off my face...

Sunday, March 25, 2012

The R Word

Every good housewife knows that months containing the letter R are good for two things: oysters, and long zone 2 rides.  Well, I plan to live it up since we've only got one R month left, and for many of us cyclists, that other R-word has already started.  You know the word I mean, the one that gives you jitters and compels you to spend your whole paycheck on wheels.  

Goodbye delicious bivalves, hello anaerobic efforts...
I can't even say the word, not because it gives me jitters or an upset stomach, or any of that other stuff that means you actually care.  I just hate the R word.  I resent it so much that I want to quit.  Last year I gave it everything: all of my vacation time, resources, relationships, certain uses of my left arm, and a good chunk of my frontal lobe.  In return, the R word gave me a few good results, some badass-looking pictures from moments that I can't even remember, and some fitness that I proceeded to throw down the drain in October.  So the R word can screw off.  The problem is, exercise is important, and instead of quitting this whole cycling thing and switching to another liberal elite endurance sport that I will eventually resent just as much, I might as well continue to flounder along in the one for which I have accumulated all this fancy equipment.

Anyway, I guess I'll figure out what there is about the R word that I can still look forward to, since it's fast-approaching and I can't expect (nor do I want badly enough to try for) the same results as last year.  So here are some side effects of the R word that are undeniably awesome:
  • Road trips with friends
  • Coffee
  • Rocking out to your warmup mixtape
  • Chillaxing with your cooldown mixtape
  • Recovery shakes 
  • Strange tan lines that make you feel special in some misunderstood way
  • Philly water ice (trust me there are more justifiable opportunities for consuming sugar if you R than if you don't R)
OK, hopefully those reasons are enough to keep me on the R word wagon, and if all else fails, I think my parents have a pair of my old rollerblades sitting in their basement.  Renewing UCI water ice license in 3, 2, 1...

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I've Made It in Life

I named her Sheena, and yes, she is a punk rocker.

One of the many lists in my head contains criteria for having "arrived" at some great place in life.  It's full of normal desirable things, like "home ownership," "feel good about myself," "petting zoo," and other stuff, both thing- and relationship-related.  Realistically, I figured the achievement of any one criterion would be good enough to count as "living the dream."  And since 2012 is all about making definitive and unsupported claims, I'll just come out and say it: I've made it. I got a time trial bike. 

I went to Elite yesterday to discuss the distant possibility of getting one.  You know, so we could figure out the ideal dimensions, in abstract preparation for riding off into the sunset on my aero machine, next to my life partner, a pink magenta unicorn.  So when I got to the shop, David and Max had mocked up a bike.  It was sparkly.  I got on it and pedaled, and they intermittently switched things out- saddles, aerobars, spacers, etc.  Since the mockup had no shifters, I was at Max's mercy to put the chain into a reasonable cog...ouch!  The whole time people were coming in and out of the shop...my buddy Alfonso, my dear friend Ashdizzle.  Elite is like Cheers, except instead of being like, "Heyyyyy buddy," you're choking out some meager greeting as Max puts you into a harder gear or David makes you do some difficult therapeutic exercises.  Anyway, I had no expectation of getting a TT bike right away, but the fit was perfect.  But since 2012 is all about doing whatever I want, when I want, I'm not actually sure that the achievement of this "monumental goal" is really that important.  Maybe the more remarkable part is the amazing and knowledgeable friends who helped make this happen.  Or maybe it's just the sparkly paint...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Recovery Eats: Green Eggs & Yam

I recently posted about an ongoing recovery crisis, and how the timing of athletic training could affect muscle repair.  With more careful adherence to the "recovery clock,"...well ok, and adding a week of unplanned recovery to my schedule, things are getting better.  After some improvement from these schedule tweaks, but still unprecedented soreness, yep, and the workouts I'm doing are NOT unprecedented so I still attribute this to getting old, I thought I'd take a more rigorous look at recovery nutrition:

This study showed a decrease in perceived soreness and an increase in power for athletes who took in protein and carbs directly after a workout, and 24 hours later.  So it sounds like the timing of short-term recovery nutrition is similar to the timing of rest that was suggested in the last post.  I also wanted to know if all proteins and carbs are created equal.  And to prevent wasting your time, I'll let you know that I didn't find a definitive study on the single "best" protein and carb for recovery.  So stop reading now.  Anyway, now that no one is reading, note to self, here are the recipes for those yummy but oddly colored treats you recently made:

I would did like them
in a house with a mouse
Green Egg Tacos: 23g protein/240 calories
Mix this up and cook it like scrambled eggs:
  • 4 egg whites (high  PDCAAS )
  • 1.5 tbsp algae powder, like spirulina or chlorella (these are also "complete proteins" and contain essential fatty acids)
  • 2 tbsp water
  • Salt & pepper
  • Serve with 2 sprouted corn tortillas (sprouting promotes enzymatic activity, makes amino acids more available, and promotes alkalinity)
  • Hot sauce (delicious on food, and decent as embrocation on your legs)

Not recommended for
embrocation or topical
application in general...
unless you're John Boehner
and have run out of spray tan
Orange Yamsicle Shake: 20g protein/277 calories
Put this all in a blender:
  • 1 scoop plain whey protein (high PDCAAS, and faster amino breakdown than casein, the other protein in milk)
  • 1c baked yam, skin removed and saved for a salad or something (yam promotes alkalinity and contains potassium)
  • 1/2 tsp ginger paste or 1/4 tsp dried ginger
  • 1/4 tsp cinnamon
  • Some stevia (or sweetener of choice)
  • Some water and ice cubes


Linking to: Food Renegade Fight Back Friday